Captains' Meeting
by peroxidepest17
Summary: Sequel to “Switching Perspectives” The captains get involved.


**Title:** Captains' Meeting  
**Universe:** Bleach  
**Theme/Topic:** Parallel piece to "Meet the Captain" and "Meet Kenpachi."  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Character/Pairing/s:** lightly IbaxIsane, Unohana, Komamura, Ikkaku, Renji  
**Warnings/Spoilers:** Whole Soul Society Arc by proxy. Some OOC and craziness here, but you were all expecting that anyway.  
**Word Count: **1,811  
**Time:** Totally lost count (damn my late-night ADD!)  
**Summary:** Sequel to "Switching Perspectives"- The captains get involved.  
**Dedication:** tsukishine- haha thanks for letting me molest your Iba tonight. XD Also, thanks to jeina again for sending me more kickass art to look at. It's always so lovely!   
**A/N: **This one is just silly, because I feel like the first two were um… more serious than not. Which is odd for me, considering the crack pairings are just…crack fun. So. Here's some more crack. Yay!  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, though I wish constantly.  
**Distribution:** Just lemme know.

* * *

"So glad that you could meet me for tea this lovely afternoon, Komamura-taichou."

The fox captain nodded and seated himself gingerly, careful not to jar the other captain's nice little display. "Thank you," he responded, looking down at his peer respectfully.

Unohana smiled and poured him a cup of the fragrant liquid before offering him some snacks from the tray as well.

"No, thank you," he declined, oddly feeling nervous as he regarded the genteel woman before him. He sipped at his tea for a moment and thought it was a little bit ridiculous to have the heaviness in the pit of his stomach that he did at the moment, especially in front of such an honored and revered member of the gotei-13.

Chastising himself internally, he sat by and waited for her to start, to tell him the real purpose of her invite to visit her today.

When she simply sat, sipping her tea across from him, he tried not to grow antsy.

For a moment, he wished he had his helmet on again.

"Is something the matter, taichou?" she asked, serene as ever.

He set his cup down. "No," he assured her. "Though, forgive me if it seems rude in any way," he began, "but what did you wish to see me about, taichou?"

Her smile broadened marginally. "My apologies. Am I keeping you from your duties?"

"No, not especially," he assured her. "I wouldn't have come if there were more pressing matters to attend to, as I'm sure you can understand."

"Of course."

He waited.

She poured them both more tea.

He coughed. "Unohana-taichou?"

She smiled at him again, but this time; he couldn't help but feel that it was a little, almost imperceptibly, threatening.

"Well," she began, calm as ever. "Since you ask, there has been a bit of an issue with your vice-captain, taichou…"

He blinked. "I see. Has he been causing you some sort of trouble, taichou?"

Unohana took another sip of tea.

He waited.

"Not me, per say," she began again, after some time. "But it seems…"

"That rude, chauvinistic, ignorant, loud-mouthed _brute_! Ugh!"

Both captains turned as vice-captain Kotetsu Isane stormed into her captain's office, red-cheeked and fuming rather impressively.

"Good afternoon, Isane," Unohana greeted, calmly reaching for a rice cake.

The vice-captain blinked upon seeing two of her superiors sitting in the room together, drinking tea. She blushed rather impressively. "Ah, excuse me, Komamura-taichou," she apologized, bowing hastily. Then to Unohana, "I um… I didn't know you had a guest, taichou. Forgive my rudeness just now."

"Of course. But are you quite alright, Isane?"

"Um, fine, taichou. Just um, just a bit of frustration," she explained with a sheepish laugh, blushing further.

Komamura studied the young woman for a moment before sighing resignedly and placing his tea cup back onto the tray. "My vice-captain, hmmm?" he posed, carefully getting to his feet. "I think I understand what you mean now, Unohana-taichou."

The fourth division leader beamed. "Wonderful."

"Thank you for the tea," he added, bowing graciously. "If you'll excuse me."

"Of course. So glad you could drop by, taichou. We must do it again sometime soon."

"Yes, that would be wonderful." The seventh division captain took his leave of the ladies then, a paragon of good breeding and noble charm as he departed. "Good day, taichou. Fukutaichou."

Isane watched him go, cheeks still pink, before turning to her captain. "Taichou?"

Unohana rose then, and began clearing her dishes. Isane quickly moved to help.

"Ah…that was Komamura-taichou," the young woman said, taking the cups from her captain and setting them on the tray.

Unohana smiled. "It was."

"Um… just visiting then?"

"Something like that," the older woman responded. "Now… you came in here in quite a huff, Isane. Is something the matter?"

The vice-captain looked sheepish. "Nothing as big as I was making it out to be, now that I think about it."

The captain smiled crookedly. "Tell me anyway."

-----

"I don't get it," Iba harrumphed, crossing his arms and frowning severely. "I just told her, if she was feelin' self-conscious 'bout the height thing, that no one would think less of her if she slouched a bit."

Renji blinked. "And she stormed off after ya said that?"

"Yup."

Ikkaku sighed. "Ya told her to slouch. _That_ was yer big solution?"

Iba stood his ground. "Yup." Pause. "I don't see what the big deal is. Just said that people is used to seein' the guy be taller'n the girl, so of course they'd stare if it was the other way 'round. _She's_ the one that gets all antsy when she knows people is lookin' at her."

"Maybe ya shouldn'ta pointed it out at all," Renji offered. "Sometimes taichou's got somethin' stuck in his teeth after lunch and when I tell him 'bout it he gets all weird around me for a while afterwards. I just stopped tellin' him altogether and it ain't ever happened again."

Ikkaku slapped a hand to his forehead. "That's moronic. Yer a fuckin' _genius, _lemme tell ya, Renj."

Renji scowled. "Yeah? Well…what do _you_ do in that type a situation then, huh, tough guy? We're all dyin' ta know."

Ikkaku grinned. "I tell Kira to stop bein' a damn wimp and suck it up."

Pause.

"Er… not in an um…dirty way or nothin'. You know what I mean."

Iba sighed. "Maybe I oughta do that. Better'n lettin' her walk around like some jumpy cat or somethin'…"

Ikkaku grinned. "It'll totally work. Know it does for me every time'n…"

It was right about then when Komamura was quite sure he'd heard enough of the conversation, and stepping into the group's line of sight, he cleared his throat, rather officially. "Iba."

The vice-captain turned around immediately at the familiar voice. "Ah, taichou! Um… somethin' I can do for ya, sir?"

The giant captain eyed Abarai and Ikkaku speculatively. "Please come with me for a moment, Iba."

"Ah, yessir."

Komamura turned to leave then, but not before nodding in acknowledgement to the other vice-captains present. "Gentlemen."

"Afternoon, taichou!" they echoed in unison, standing up a little bit straighter after being addressed.

They saluted and Komamura walked off without another word, Iba in tow.

"Is uh, is something the matter, taichou?" the vice-captain asked after a moment, wondering why his captain looked so gravely thoughtful.

Komamura took a deep breath but didn't answer right away, the big captain still trying to wrap his mind around the conversation (and the pure idiocy) he'd just heard.

No wonder Iba was having problems. The people he went to for advice were possibly more inept to handle the situation than he was.

The fox captain supposed it was his responsibility to guide the young man into something less ridiculous.

He couldn't help but feel he had a lot of work ahead of him.

"Iba, please step into my office with me," he instructed when they made it back to the seventh division headquarters. Komamura shrugged out of his coat and hung it up neatly before padding into the room. Iba followed silently behind.

"Is everythin' okay, taichou?" the vice-captain repeated, cautiously.

"I suppose," Komamura began, slowly, "that we will go about this as warriors do. I honestly can't see any other means of effectively teaching you what you need to know."

Tetsuzaemon blinked. "Er…beggin' your pardon, sir?"

The large captain crossed his arms. "Prepare yourself, Iba, for intensive training." Pause. "God help us both."

-----

A week later, Komamura found himself having tea at the fourth division headquarters once again, the venerable Unohana-taichou serving him the same hot brew, but with cute, frosted vanilla wafer cookies this time.

The two of them sat in silence for a while, sipping their drinks and nibbling on cookies. It was a nice day outside, and Komamura let himself enjoy the quiet for a while, in the peaceful halls of Unohana's immaculately run division.

"Are you quite certain?" Unoahana asked after a moment, brow arching delicately. "I never would have thought…"

"He is…special," Komamura responded calmly. "And, I suppose, a dedicated hard worker, given the right motivation. His progress was…quite remarkable. And unexpected."

She smiled. "I see. Well. That's wonderful to hear. I suppose we've done the best we could, haven't we, taichou?"

"Of course."

"I appreciate your efforts to collaborate with me on this issue."

"It was my pleasure, Unohana-taichou."

She beamed at him. "Now it's up to the two of them alone. What a relief, ne?"

"Aa."

They continued to drink their tea.

A moment later, they both turned as the door burst open and Isane stormed into the office haphazardly, looking genuinely distressed as she searched the room for her captain. "Taichou!" she exclaimed, infinitely relieved as her eyes found the other woman.

At the same time she somehow managed to not register Komamura-taichou's presence right away.

"Taichou, I think Iba is sick!" the girl continued, brow furrowed in concern. "He's acting strangely and he won't let me admit him when I try to. You have to come and help me figure out what's wrong with him!"

Unohana blinked and looked at Komamura, who seemed equally as speechless.

"Aah, Komamura-taichou!" Isane gasped, upon realizing he was there. She bowed quickly. "Excuse my rudeness, but really, taichou…please come with me. I'm very worried! He's not himself and it's quite disturbing!"

The captains, sharing a look, sighed simultaneously.

"Sorry to have wasted your efforts, taichou," Unohana apologized, looking at him with a mixture of exasperation and amusement. "I'm sure if anything, it was worth a shot."

He returned a crooked smile, looking sheepish, and stood to take his leave "I suppose, taichou," he began, with good humor, "that if anything, this has taught us not to meddle in the odd circumstances that bring two people together. Whatever they may be."

Unohana's light laughter was his only response, and bowing, he took his leave of the fourth division officers.

As he exited the building, the confused shouts of, "The hell is wrong with that woman? I was bein' _nice_! I was bein' _polite_!" followed him out.

Cringing, the seventh division captain hoped that Iba would forget their past week of hard training soon, as the vice-captain seemed to do with most other things.

"I ain't sick, goddammit! I'm bein' a goddamned _gentleman_! The hell're you assholes doin'? Hey…put that damned needle down, I'm _fine_ I tell ya, _fine!_ That crazy woman doesn't know the hell she's talkin' 'bout! I…OW! Sonofabitch!"

Vaguely relieved that the forgetting process already seemed to be taking effect even now, Komamura retreated from the chaos his subordinate was causing in the fourth division hospice and decided that from now on, he would leave the idiot's domestication to Isane and Isane alone.

That is, if that was even what she wanted from him.

On that front, Komamura wasn't quite sure he understood women very well himself, gentleman or no.

**END**


End file.
